Beep Beep Beep

Beep, tring, blink. My phone lately has started beating its heart way too much. Its constantly running, doing laps tirelessly, singing what sounds like a never ending opera. And I know the reason. Everyone I know and love is far away. Everyone for whom I want to make the effort of passing a cursory smile has packed up and gone. Technology connects, but it also makes me realise how I've left people behind or how they've moved on. Necessary evil. A thorn, prickling and painfully reminding me of things I've let go off. Come home, now. Everyone. Let's kick technology's pretentious ass someday, for a few hours, and let's connect souls and ideas. Face-to-face. Heart-to-heart. Brain-to-brain.

The Ant

As I sit alone in my dimly lit room, watching an ant taking the last crumb of biscuit that I ate a few hours ago, I realised how alone we all are. Someone is dying alone in this moment, someone is being pushed out in this world, only to be raised in the harsh reality of loneliness. We are born alone, we die even lonelier. What happens in the middle is confusion. Our coming to terms with the fact that we in fact are never meant to be together. With other loners. Because that is not the dynamics we were thrown into. The earth itself is alone. Shunted by other planets. A freak.

And we fight. We kill. We manipulate. We try to deceive the truth with lies. I try to deceive truth with the lies. I fight with loneliness. Just to crawl back into its arms in those unique moments of dawn. When I realise that I cannot fight the nature of existence. The only reason this earth is still alive is because its wrapped in a bubble, isolated from the fog of reality.

It's the loneliness that makes "us" survive. But there is no us, there is just existence of us. Because "we" all are alone. That's why we survive. Our individualities. Our own personal breathing space. My own little room with a dim lamp and an ant crawling across the floor with the last piece of biscuit that I ate a few hours ago.